Rev Juliet Stephenson, Director of The Good Funeral Company talks to us ahead of Dying Matters Awareness Week 10th - 16th May 2021
What has been the impact of the pandemic over the last 12 months?
Families have had to cope with so many changes, the separation being the hardest one to bear.
From not being able to visit families in nursing homes, not allowed to visit sick loved ones in hospital, to being isolated through coronavirus symptoms.
I have listened to harrowing tales for people feeling that they have been denied the most basic human need, to be with someone who is facing death.
Feeling like you have let someone down, frightened that they might think you don’t care, and knowing that your nearest and dearest will die alone, or with a stranger, is heartbreaking.
Waving goodbye as your loved one is taken by paramedics with full PPE, into the back of an ambulance, not knowing if you’ll ever see them again…
Or the devastation of saying goodbye on facetime, before a ventilator is removed….
All of this is unbearable.
Supporting bereaved families as they acknowledge the limitation placed upon the funeral ceremony has been hard. How do you choose the 10, 20 or 30 people who can come to the funeral?
And the families who have missed out, because they can’t attend as they’re isolating, or unable to travel, or live too far away to do the journey in one day.
Many times, we have had to get to know a family through ZOOM, or Facetime or by telephone calls. Unable to physically visit, to sit in their space, to look at their photos, and to feel the warmth of their home, has made the relationships between everyone involved much more difficult.
How have we made these occasions feel valuable and worthwhile?
The Good Funeral Company has placed so much emphasis on the essence of what a farewell ceremony is all about.
Gathering, remembering, creating space to focus and give thanks for all that is unique and precious about life. We have seen beauty in simplicity. Families have been stripped of many things, but nothing can take away the love they feel. It is not diminished, rather it has been intensified.
When we are told there are so many things we can’t do, we treasure the things which remain.
This year’s theme for dying matters awareness week is - the importance of being in a good place to die. What are your thoughts on this?
The year of COVID and lockdown, has really challenged many of us to think about the things of life that really matter. Who’d have thought we would miss the simple things like seeing someone smile, or a hug from a friend, or a coffee and visit from a neighbour.
Many of us have considered what our choices are when we come to the end of life, in a time when many basic things have been denied.
It has made us think for ourselves…
Where we want to be?
Who we want to accompany us?
What do I want for my farewell?
Who do I need to see, catch up with, be reconciled to before I die?
All of these questions, for many years, have been uncomfortable, and still are for lots of us. But if COVID has taught us anything, it is that life is precious, and life is fragile. So to have these conversations with our closest family and friends is a good way to alleviate the embarrassment and taboo of speaking about death.
There are lots of ways in which we can engage with one another to talk about what we’d like. GraveTalk is one way to open conversations about death and dying. GRAVETALK
And even having the conversation about what music you want at your own funeral, enables people to at least start talking about funerals.
Looking forward - What are your plans for the Good Funeral Company over the next 12 months and even beyond?
The Good Funeral Company has been working alongside many of our local funeral directors in the Dioceses, we have built strong relationships with them, and have wonderful feedback from the services that we provide. We pride ourselves in being an option for families, who want something different from a traditional funeral, but still, need a sense of blessing. Along with the opportunity that is given to all our bereaved families, to attend a special memorial service at Liverpool Cathedral, we know that we are doing our very best to serve our communities and offer hope at the saddest of all times.
We are planning to be back, every Saturday with our memorial trees in the Cathedral, and have dates coming up for our memorial services.